


Always The Best Friend

by jeyhawk



Category: American Idol RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-07-14
Updated: 2010-07-14
Packaged: 2017-10-11 18:04:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/115326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jeyhawk/pseuds/jeyhawk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kris Allen is tired of always being cast as the best friend in other people's lives. When he first meets Adam Lambert and actually manages to ask him out on a date he thinks things will be different, but history repeats itself all over again and Kris is stuck pining over a guy that just wants to be his friend. But is it really only friendship Adam wants, and is Kris really just going to take it this time when there's so much at stake?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Always The Best Friend

**Author's Note:**

> Written for [](http://community.livejournal.com/kradambigbang/profile)[**kradambigbang**](http://community.livejournal.com/kradambigbang/) Notes and credits at the end.

  
"So…" Dr. Lambert looks at the clipboard in his hand. "Mr. Allen. What seems to be the problem?"

Kris licks his lips, avoiding Dr. Lambert's frank blue gaze. "Uhm… I… uh… it… I mean… I have an itch."

"An itch?"

Kris makes the mistake of looking up, meeting Dr. Lambert's amused eyes, and promptly blushes. "That came out wrong. I mean… not wrong… I mean… I meant for it to sound less like the opening line of a bad porno… Oh God."

Kris buries his head in his hands - he's just not going to survive this. Dr. Lambert chuckles and pats Kris's shoulder in what he probably thinks is a reassuring manner.

"Kris… Can I call you Kris?"

Kris nods without looking up. He's always slightly weirded out when people call him Mr. Allen. Mr. Allen is his dad and he really doesn't want to be thinking about his dad right now.

"Is this your first time seeking help for this kind of problem?"

"Yeah," Kris murmurs.

"It's okay," Dr. Lambert says, patting his shoulder again. "Everyone is nervous their first time. Do you want me to call for a nurse?"

"God no," Kris says, looking up again. He can't imagine anything worse than having a third party watch his humiliation at the hands of the hot doctor.

Dr. Lambert chuckles. "Well, then you need to relax and trust me. I only bite when people want me to."

Kris flushes, but he kind of likes the teasing glint in Dr. Lambert's eyes. "I… uh… Do you have a first name?" It's probably not okay to ask your doctor that, but the title makes Kris feel uncomfortable.

"Well, I didn't come out of the womb a doctor," Dr Lambert says, leaning back and stretching his mile long legs out before him. "It's Adam."

"Adam." Kris tastes the name, liking the way it rolls off his tongue.

"So, Kris," Adam says, smiling now. "Do you want to tell me about your problem?"

Oh, that. For a second there Kris almost forgot that he was in Adam's office for a reason and an embarrassing one at that.

"Uhm… well. I have an itch uh… around my penis, and… uhm… there's a bit of a rash."

If Kris actually survives this he's going to kill Cale and Andrew, if it wasn't for them he wouldn't be in this peculiar situation to begin with. Adam just nods, as if this is something he hears every day (and considering his line of work it probably is) and reaches for the latex gloves.

"Let's have a look then," he says. "Have you recently had unprotected sex?"

Kris blushes and shakes his head. He hasn't actually had any kind of sex in almost six months, but he's not going to tell Adam that. Besides, he's never had unprotected sex in his life.

"I'm gonna need for you to take off your pants," Adam says kindly, leaning his elbows against his knees. "I can turn my back if you want."

"No… uh… it's okay," Kris murmurs, hoping Adam doesn't see how his fingers tremble on the buttons.

He shoves his jeans and boxers down his legs with a rushed move, toeing his shoes off to be able to step out of them. His shirt is just long enough to cover his crotch as he slides onto the table and even if Adam will see everything in a second it still makes him feel better about the whole thing.

"Okay then," Adam says, getting up from his chair. "Let's have a look."

Kris turns his head away as Adam walks up to the table. He can't believe that he's about to let another guy touch his dick and one who's way out of his league at that. Guys like Adam (forever tall with raven black glossy hair and just the barest hint of eyeliner) don't usually look twice at guys like Kris (short with impossible brown hair and no makeup whatsoever).

Kris blushes and breaks out in goose bumps all over when Adam slides his shirt up to his navel. He imagines that the animals at the zoo feel less exposed than he does right now.

"Hmmm," Adam says and Kris looks up at him in alarm.

"What's wrong?" he asks, imagining a future without genitalia.

"Well," Adam says with barely concealed amusement. "How long has it been since you shaved?"

"A few days," Kris says, eyes still trained on Adam's face.

"First time?"

"Yeah."

"I see," Adam says, biting down on his lower lip.

Kris shivers when Adam runs his fingertips over the sensitive skin just above the base of his dick with a look of concentration on his face.

"How long have you had the rash?" he asks conversationally, probably trying to distract Kris from the fact that his limp cock is now cradled in one of Adam's big hands.

"A… uhm… a couple of days."

Kris tries really hard to focus on something other than the fact that his dick is in a hot guy's hand, but not even his complete mortification seems to be enough to stop his dick from swelling. Adam seems unfazed though (he's probably seen a lot of dicks under these circumstances) reaching down to cup Kris's balls in his other hand, squeezing them gently.

"Fuck," Kris curses, pulling his arm up to hide his face in the crook of his elbow.

Adam lets go of his cock (it's doing a good job at standing on its own by now) and instead slides his fingers in beneath Kris's balls, gently pressing against the skin there. Kris sucks in a breath, spreading his legs wider to give Adam better access before he realizes that maybe that's not the proper way to react to a doctor's examination. Adam's fingers slide further down, nudging between Kris's cheeks and Kris doesn't even hesitate before pulling his leg up, exposing himself fully. He bites back a moan when Adam's fingers brush over his opening, cock twitching vainly, and if he wasn't so turned on, he would probably be dead from embarrassment by now.

"Damn," Adam curses and Kris looks up in alarm again. "I'm sorry," Adam says, taking a step back. "I really don't think I can be professional about this."

Kris frowns and licks his lips. "I… I don't understand."

Adam snorts, pulling his gloves off with jerky movements. "I'm gay," he says.

Kris's heart trips and his frown deepens. "What does that have to do with anything?" he asks.

Adam looks at him as if he's an idiot. "I'm gay, you're ridiculously hot… I just can't."

"But…" Kris looks down on himself. His erection has wilted slightly, sagging against his stomach and the annoying rash. "What about the rash?"

Adam smiles slightly without meeting Kris's eyes. "Common reaction to shaving, especially if you used soap to shave with and didn't moisturize afterwards."

Okay, now Kris really does feel like an idiot. "Oh," he says, tugging his shirt down over his crotch. "I uh… didn't know that."

"Now you do," Adam says, still looking uneasy. "It'll be fine in a few days when the hair's grown back a little more. Try not to scratch and moisturize with something that doesn't contain perfume, like baby oil, for example. You might also want to pick up an over the counter cortisone cream. It'll help with the itching."

Kris sits up again, reaching for his abandoned pants. "Uh… thanks," he says, wondering what the fuck just happened. He's still kind of stuck on the part where Adam thinks he's hot.

"So…" Adam says. "Would you like to… uhm… go out with me? Sometime? You don't have to say yes just because I'm… Fuck." Adam spins around, turning his back on Kris. "I can't believe I just said that."

Kris pulls his boxers and pants back on, trying to not make a sound when the fabric brushes over his renewed erection.

"I would understand if you reported me," Adam murmurs, shoulders sliding down into a dejected slump. "That was way out of line."

Kris slides off the table, but doesn't bother with his shoes. His gay might have been mostly theoretical up to this point, but he's not going to let a guy like Adam slip out of his grasp just because he's scared. The tiles are cold underneath his feet as he moves the few steps that separate him from Adam.

"I…" Kris starts, hand hovering close to Adam's back, not sure if it would be okay to touch. "I… uh… wouldn't mind if it turned into a bad porno."

He blinks and thinks about suing his mouth - that was really not what he was planning on saying. Adam's shoulder starts shaking and for a horrible second Kris is afraid he made him cry but then he realizes Adam is laughing.

"I'm sorry," Kris says. "I think maybe that came out wrong. What I really meant is that I would really like to go out with you, you know, some time."

"It's really hard to maintain a professional mind frame when you say shit like that," Adam says, pressing his hands against the wall. "Ridiculously hot and adorable? I must have gotten you for my sins."

Adam's broad shoulders and tapered back, visible even under his white coat, makes it really easy for Kris to envision the aforementioned sins. He really wouldn't mind acting a few of them out.

"What kind of sins are we talking here?" he asks, reaching out to press his palms against Adam's shoulder blades. "Anything I should know about if we were to date?"

Adam sucks in a breath, moving into Kris's touch. "Nothing too bad," he says, voice strained. "Just the regular, you know. Lust… Envy… Gluttony…"

Kris bites his lip and hesitantly slides his hands down to curl around Adam's hips. His heart is tripping way too fast, making him feel dizzy and breathless. This is not who he is - Kris Allen doesn't just grab for the things he wants especially not when the thing he wants is a stupidly hot _male_ doctor. Sure, he moved to LA to explore all of his options (and to get away from a small town that he loves but that was still suffocating him), but this is not really what he had in mind.

"Fuck," Adam hisses, resting his forehead against the wall. "This is… I can't…"

Kris might be unusually daring today, but he isn't mean, and Adam is obviously conflicted about this whole thing.

"How about this," Kris murmurs. "I got a gig tonight at the Blue Moon Bar. Nothing special, just me and a friend. If you just happened to show up and we just happened to meet that wouldn't mean anything, right? Just two people hanging out in a bar, maybe having a drink, going home together…"

Adam shudders under his hands, breath coming out quick and jerky.

"What…" Adam swallows heavily. "What time?"

"Eight," Kris answers, resting his forehead against the graceful curve of Adam's spine for a moment. Then he steps back, buttoning his jeans up fully and sticking his bare feet into his shoes. "Maybe I'll see you there," he adds, trying to sound casual about it.

Adam doesn't answer and Kris doesn't look back as he leaves. He hopes Adam shows up tonight, but he has no idea whether his awkward attempt at seduction worked. His heart jitters in time with his knees and feels charged with adrenaline. Somehow pushing his boundaries makes him feel as if he's ready to take on the entire world. If he can ask a totally hot guy out, then he there's nothing he can't do (except possibly flying) and somehow that makes him feel strangely zen about the whole thing.

____spacer____

  
Unfortunately Kris's zen-like state of mind doesn't last him until the evening. By the time he and Cale are seated backstage waiting for their turn on the stage, he's a twitchy nervous wreck, endlessly tapping his fingers against the body of his guitar while his mind spins in ever-widening circles, covering every possible scenario no matter how ludicrous. He doesn't really think that the version where Adam shows up with three bulky guys and have them beat the shit of Kris is very likely, but the one where Adam doesn't show up at all is a distinct possibility, as is the one where Adam shows up only to let him down easily. He's not really clear on why Adam would come only to turn him down, but maybe it's some sort of professional courtesy thing.

"Would you stop that?" Cale says, leaning forward to forcibly pull Kris's hand away from the guitar. "What's up with you today?"

"Nothing," Kris says. "Just a bit nervous, that's all."

Cale gives him a doubtful look. They've played the Blue Moon Bar before and the crowd is usually ridiculously easy to please. The regulars all know them by now and more often than not sing along even with their original pieces. It's pretty much the perfect gig, easy and familiar and Kris is not one to suffer from stage fright.

"Well," Kris says when it becomes clear that Cale is waiting for him to say something. "I kinda invited someone."

Cale's surprise would be comical if it wasn't for the fact that it highlights the very sad state of Kris's love life. "You invited someone?" he asks, jaw dropping. "You? Invited someone?"

Cale starts fumbling for his phone and Kris realizes that maybe he should have thought this through a little better. Kris having a date is enough incentive for Cale to call everyone they know. Kris should consider himself lucky if Cale doesn't send smoke signals to his mom.

"Don't…" he starts, but it's too late, Cale already has the phone pressed against his ear.

If Kris thought he was nervous before, he was wrong. His heart leaps into his throat and fainting is suddenly a very serious possibility, tiny black spots dancing before his eyes.

"Cale," he says weakly. "I… I kinda…"

Cale lowers the phone, reaching forward to grab Kris's wrist. "Shit, man," he says. "Are you okay?"

Kris just blinks, sucking in breath against the panic that threatens to overwhelm him. He's been thinking about coming out for quite some time now , even if his bisexuality up to this point has been mostly theoretical, but he didn't think it would happen like this. He really didn't think things through when he issued that invitation to Adam.

"Yeah," he manages, sucking in another breath. "Yeah, I'm fine."

Cale doesn't look convinced, staring at him with a worried frown on his face, fingers still looped around Kris's wrist.

"It's a guy," Kris says, words coming out in a rushed tumble.

Cale blinks, but whatever he's about to say is cut off when Billy the manager opens the door, jerking his head towards the stage.

"You're on, guys," he says.

"Just a minute," Cale answers, eyes still trained on Kris's face.

Billy's eyes slides over the way Cale holds on to Kris's wrist, but he doesn't say anything, nodding curtly.

"Five minutes," he says and then he's gone again, the door closing silently behind him.

Cale laughs, but it sounds slightly panicked. "So… uh… your first date in what? Six months? Is with another guy?"

Kris nods, feeling like the worst scum on earth. Not because he possibly has a date with a guy, but because he didn't tell Cale sooner instead of springing it on him like this.

"I…" Kris pulls his hand back from Cale's grasp, rubbing it over his face. "I don't know if he'll show."

Cale nods, conflicting emotions flickering over his face as he tries to find something to say. "I want you to be happy," he finally says, giving Kris a serious look. "And if a guy makes you happy then you should be with him." Then he makes a face, nose crinkling up. "It might take me some time to get used to the idea, but that's okay, right? I mean… I'm still your friend, it's just…" He crinkles his nose again. "It might take me a while."

Kris nods, squaring his shoulder. "Thanks," he says softly.

"Okay," Cale says, pushing up from his chair and reaching for his guitar, obviously itching to get away from the uncomfortable tension in the room. "Let's knock 'em dead."

____spacer____

  
Kris can't see Adam in the crowd when they get up on the stage and all in all he's pretty grateful for that. It's entirely possible that he's there, Kris can only really see the tables closest to the stage, but after the emotional turmoil of the last few minutes he's pretty content to just not know if Adam's there or not. It's not quite the same kind of zen he managed earlier, but at least it's some kind of calm to cling to.

Then Cale leans closer to the mike to introduce them and Kris strums his fingers over the guitar strings, letting the weird kind of peace he always experiences on stage settle over him. Nothing else matters when he has his guitar in his hands and a mike before his mouth - the music and the energy of the crowd carrying him well above everything.

They play a six song set and then do a couple of encores on general demand. It's nice to play in a place where people know them and appreciate them enough to actually want more. Kris thinks he sees Adam once, a dark shape outlined for a moment against the lights of the bar, but then he's gone and Kris doesn't try to find him in the crowd. The music is enough for now.

One of the regulars, a middle aged woman with the bluest eyes Kris has ever seen (even counting Adam's), shouts something absolutely outrageous as they exit the stage. Kris can't even hear what she's saying but the tone is enough to make him blush and he stumbles into Cale, breathless with sudden laughter.

Cale cracks up, slinging an arm around Kris's shoulder to steady him. "Feel better now?" he asks, voice pitched low in case anyone is close enough to hear them.

"Yeah," Kris says, smiling up at him and giving his waist a squeeze. "It's been a weird day."

Cale grins. "I'd say."

Cale, of course, doesn't even know half of it and if Kris can help it he's _never_ going to know. The whole shaving thing was a dare to begin with and Cale would derive way too much pleasure from knowing what kind of embarrassing hilarity it led to.

"So is he here?"

Cale glances over his shoulder towards the bar as they enter the backstage area to grab their stuff, as if Adam will be standing around holding a sign over his head that says: _Kris Allen's date_. (Kris really hopes Adam isn't standing around holding a sign that says _Kris Allen's date_ he's burst enough capillaries blushing today.)

"I don't know," Kris says. "I think I saw him earlier, but I'm not sure."

Cale makes a grab for Kris's guitar and gives him a look. "Then what are you waiting for? Seriously, your love life is so pathetic that right now I would give you a standing ovation if you dated a goat."

Kris pouts.

"Seriously," Cale says again, rolling his eyes. "Pathetic doesn't even begin to describe it."

Kris would protest, but if he didn't agree he would never have been daring enough to kind of ask Adam out.

"I'm just gonna grab my jacket," Kris says. "Would you…"

"I'll take your guitar," Cale says, making a shooing motion with his hand. "And if he isn't here, I dare you to stay for at least one drink."

"You and your dares," Kris mutters, flushing hotly, but maybe he should be grateful. If it hadn't been for Cale's completely ridiculous drunk dare to shave his pubes (that Kris went through with only to prove that he could so break out of his comfort zone) he would have never met Adam to begin with.

Cale has a point too, Kris never sticks around after their gigs. Cale goes home to Kate, and Kris goes home to his empty apartment. He knows Cale would stay if Kris asked him to, but then they'd just talk to each other anyway. Between work and gigs there really isn't much time for serious dating, especially not now that they're kind of making a name for themselves, and Kris really kind of misses having someone.

"Go," Cale says, making another shooing motion. "Have fun and call me tomorrow. I want a full report." He crinkles his nose and opens his mouth again, making Kris roll his eyes hard.

"Like I'd tell you about the sex."

"You would if I dared you."

"Well." Kris gives him a look. "Don't."

Cale laughs and pats him on the shoulder. "I won't," he promises. "Now go, or I will follow you out there and demand you introduce me."

"Going," Kris says, taking his jacket from where it's hanging on the wall and heading towards the door to the club. "See you."

"See you," Cale echoes and if he says something more it's cut off by the door to the club falling shut behind Kris.

____spacer____

  
It takes Kris virtually forever to work his way up to the bar, every other patron flagging him down and thanking him for the show. He shakes hands and even poses for a few pictures, laughing and blushing with the compliments thrown in his direction. He can't help but to wonder what it would be like to be actually famous and have this multiplied by a million, every day all the time, and as much as he wants to make it as a singer/songwriter he really kind of thinks it would get tiresome very fast.

He keeps darting glances around, trying to spot Adam lurking in a corner, but he makes it all the way to the bar without catching even the slightest glimpse. He's a lot more disappointed than he thought he would be. The bartender gives him a questioning look, but he can't even think of something he wants, staring morosely at the list of available drinks and beers, until the bartender moves further down the bar taking someone else's order.

Kris watches him work, mixing some kind of vodka martini by the looks of it and Kris supposes he could go for one of those. The bartender is apparently a mind reader because instead of heading down the bar with the drink, he sets it down in front of Kris.

"From the gentleman over there," he says, jerking his head further up the bar. "Nice show by the way."

Kris bites down on his lower lip, trying to look up the bar without being obvious about it while he murmurs a thanks to the bartender. He finally spots Adam, or his hair at least, as he moves away from the bar, heading towards an empty booth. Kris follows him, the drink clutched in a sweaty grip. All of his momentum seems to have left him, leaving nothing but a fluttery feeling in the pit of his stomach and shaky knees.

Adam looks up when Kris slides into the booth opposite from him smiling hugely. "Hey," he says. "Fancy meeting you here."

Kris is kind of taken back by how insanely _pretty_ Adam is. His hair is gelled up into some artfully spiky and very glossy do and he's wearing makeup, sooted eyes with just a hint of blue eye shadow, creamy concealer and a light sheen of gloss on his freckled pink lips. He's wearing a grey cardigan with some kind of weaved thing going on around the neckline and a simple black t-shirt that clings to his chest. Kris can't see his legs under the table, but he's sure they're still just as long and dressed to the nines.

In comparison Kris looks like a hobo that just fell out of a Goodwill container after a three day drinking binge and five hard years. Now why did he think this was a good idea again?

Adam's smile dissipates when Kris doesn't answer, and he fiddles a little with his drink. "You were really great up there," he says, without looking up. "Like… wow. You're really talented."

"Thanks," Kris murmurs, sipping at his drink as he tries to think of something to say that won't come out wrong, stupid, or both.

Adam snorts. "Yeah," he says. "This is awkward."

"I'm sorry." Kris looks up, licking his lips. "I guess I wasn't expecting you to be so…" He makes a vague gesture in Adam direction.

"Gay?" Adam suggests with a hard edge to his voice.

"Pretty," Kris finishes, with a blush climbing up his cheeks. "I mean look at you. You look like you fell out of a fashion magazine."

"Oh." Adam's smile comes back full force and he pulls a little on the hanging straps around the neck of his cardigan. "I might have overdone it a little."

"No, it's… You look great."

"I never really have a reason to dress up anymore, you know? I used to go out all the time, but I never seem to have the time…" Adam trails off with a shrug.

"Do you miss it?" Kris asks, sipping at his drink. He's never really been the club type, too loud and he really can't dance, but he supposes it could be fun with the right kind of company.

"Yeah, I guess." Adam looks away for a moment. "It's like… I'm the only one of my old group of friends that really moved on, you know?" He frowns. "Well, it's a really long story."

Kris shrugs, smiling at him. "I'm not going anywhere."

Truth be told he's more than a little curious. Adam doesn't look like any other doctor he's ever met and he thinks that there's an interesting story there if Adam's willing to share it. God knows his own life won't take them through more than ten minutes of idle conversation.

Adam looks doubtful for a moment, but once he starts talking the words just keeps pouring out, as if he's been keeping it bottled inside for too long. It lasts them through two refills, a trip to Subway and the walk back to Kris's apartment. When Adam eventually stops talking, Kris feels as if Adam handed him the keys to his entire life and he doesn't really know what to do with that.

The thing is, Kris really wants to deserve that honor. He wants to be the guy that helps Adam find his feet again and the thought kind of freaks him out a whole lot. Somehow he thought this would be about sex, and maybe some good natured ribbing about how very little Kris knows of the art of shaving your genitals. He didn't think it would be sharing and caring and wanting so much to be Mr. Right.

Adam's story is not a very sordid one, and it's not even really sad, but somehow the way they've been going back and forth in the last two hours feels like the most important conversation Kris has ever had. He even forgets that he's the hobo to Adam's model, because Adam keeps looking at him as if he's special.

"Wow," Adam says when they're finally settled on Kris's threadbare couch, eating the cookies they brought with them from Subway. "Maybe I should have warned you I really like talking about myself."

Kris laughs, stretching his legs out and crossing them at the ankles. "I wouldn't really know. I tuned you out shortly after hello."

Adam snorts and shoves at Kris's feet, even Adam's socks have more class than Kris's. "So, tell me something about you."

Kris gives him a look. "I already told you plenty about myself."

"Well, I shared literally all my woes, so I think I need a little bit more than twenty-four from Arkansas, hoping to be a musician and splitting time between working as a night porter and a studio musician."

Kris shrugs. "There really isn't all that much to say. Contrary to some people I now know very well, I've never been a club-hopper, my love life can be summed up as unexciting, and I never really had to make any life altering decisions."

"You moved here, didn't you?" Adam says.

Kris shrugs. "Yeah, I guess."

"Oh, come on," Adam says. "Everyone has a story to tell."

Kris doesn't really think he does, but Adam's so very easy to talk to and before he knows it, it's been another hour and Adam suddenly know things about him he barely even knew himself. Maybe they're not so different after all, Adam's choices were harder and the fall-out bigger, but in the end it amounts to the same thing, growing up and making your own path.

"I have to admit," Adam says. "This is the weirdest date I've ever been on."

Kris yawns. "I'm not even sure it can be considered a date at this point. It's more of a This Is Your Life special."

Adam laughs, stretching his legs out so that his feet poke at Kris's shoulder. They kind of tipped over on the couch some time ago, lying on opposites sides with their heads propped up against the armrests. It's not the most comfortable position, Kris's couch could double as a torture device, but it's getting ridiculously late and sleepiness is becoming a real issue.

"I could sleep like this," Adam murmurs, rubbing his hand along Kris's calf.

"I do have a perfectly functional bed," Kris says absently, half asleep already with the hypnotic movement of Adam's fingers.

Adam's hand falters. "Do you think that's a good idea?" he asks.

Kris blinks his eyes open to look at him. "I don't know. Do you?"

Adam looks like he really doesn't know what to say to that, shaking his head slightly. "I have work tomorrow afternoon," he says, as if that is an answer to anything.

"So do I," Kris answers, with half a shrug.

Adam bites down on his lip. "In the interest of full disclosure and all, I have to admit that this is the first time in my life that I've been afraid sex would actually ruin something great."

Kris nods. "So, uh… this is goodnight then?"

Adam still looks torn, chewing on the inside of his lower lip. "I guess it is."

Kris doesn't know if he's disappointed or relieved, reluctantly pushing himself up to sitting position again. "We'll see each other again, right?" he asks, scrubbing a hand over the back of his neck.

"Of course," Adam says with a grin. "Just you try to keep me away."

They hug goodbye just inside the door and Kris really just wants to melt into Adam's skin. Being cast as the best friend instead of the lover has been a reoccurring theme in his life and suddenly Kris is very grateful that he didn't actually tell Adam about his last few attempts at dating, because by the looks of it history's repeating itself all over again.

"I'll call you," Adam says when he leaves and Kris has no doubts that he will, he just doesn't think the story will play itself out the way he wants it to.

Then Adam is gone and Kris is left to contemplate exactly what it is about him that makes him more of a friend than a love interest.

____spacer____

  
There's a coffee shop/diner kind of place not too far from Kris's apartment that serves some of the best coffee Kris ever had. It's one of those hidden LA jewels that draw a pretty solid crowd but that is easy to overlook because of the cheesy sign and tacky decorations. Sometimes he stops there for breakfast on his way home from work, sinking down into one of their vinyl booths while staring out at the street with bleary eyes.

The second time Adam calls after their failed date Kris finds himself telling Adam about it and somehow he hangs up with plans to meet there the following morning when Kris gets off work. It's not a big deal right then, he can already feel himself slotting into the familiar routine of friendship, but when he walks down the street towards the diner and spots Adam standing outside friendship really isn't the first thing that comes to mind.

"Hey," Adam says, face lighting up when he spots Kris.

"Hey," Kris responds, looking Adam up and down.

He's dressed for work, Kris knows that much, and he wonders if Adam's patients come on to him a lot, because Adam looks amazing in black jeans and a soft looking grey shirt that hugs his impressive figure. His hair is gelled back from his face in a fancy kind of back slick and there's just a hint of makeup around his intense eyes. Kris's saggy blue jeans and worn t-shirt really doesn't compare.

"You tired?" Adam asks as he holds the door open for Kris.

"Yeah," Kris admits, suppressing a yawn. It's been a long boring night, sometimes being the night porter really only means he spends ten hours trying to stay awake an empty desk.

They order separately but Adam insists on paying, more or less shoving Kris towards a booth to wait. Kris tries to protest, but Adam obviously has a stubborn streak a mile wide and won't hear any arguments.

"I can pay for myself, you know," Kris says when Adam joins him in the booth.

"Of course you can," Adam answers, putting a knife and fork down before Kris. "But if I'm gonna drag you out to breakfast at bumfuck a.m. the least I can do is pay for it."

He smiles and Kris's heart skips a beat with the beauty of it. Annoyed, he scrubs at his eyes and decides to blame it on fatigue.

"You okay?" Adam asks, reaching over the table to touch Kris's wrist.

"Yeah," Kris says quickly. "Just tired."

Adam smiles again, but his eyes look concerned, and Kris has to force himself to look away. Their food arrives before things can turn awkward and once they start eating the conversation flows easier.

"One of my friends has a show on Friday," Adam says, gesturing with his knife in Kris's direction. "He's really quite good."

"Yeah?" Kris asks, because he's not sure what else to say. He finds Adam's stream of consciousness conversation a bit hard to keep up with in his sleep-deprived state.

"I was wondering if maybe you'd like to come. I mean, if you're free. "

Kris looks up from his almost empty plate. "Uhm… sure," he says.

He can't really figure out if this is a date or not. There's nothing inherently date-like about it, no smoldering looks or heavy innuendo, but Adam insisted on paying and he's already asking Kris out again.

"Awesome," Adam says and he sounds as if he means it. "It's kind of… hard sometimes to hang out with them."

Kris sips from his coffee cup and waits for more. He's already learning that Adam doesn't pick a subject unless he means to share something.

"I guess it's the same kind of thing as going back to your hometown once you've moved away. You still love everyone and it's still familiar, but you don't really fit in anymore." He shrugs. "Maybe it's all in my head."

Kris thinks about his last visit home, hanging out with his old friends. It was good, he still loves them, but the things they used to do that his friends still do, just seemed so small and insignificant compared to his life here. Sure, in many ways his LA life is really close to his Conway life, but there's just so much more to experience in LA and he supposes he got used to that.

"No, I get it," Kris says. "Your life has a whole new dimension now, one they can't be a part of."

"That's exactly it." Adam beams at him. "I always end up feeling weird around them because I just feel there's so much more to life, you know."

Kris smiles, turning his coffee cup over between his fingers. "Maybe we just have to realize that not everyone shares the same dreams," he says.

"Yeah," Adam says, holding Kris's gaze. "Maybe we do."

They keep the eye contact for just a moment too long to be normal, a slight flush rising in Kris's cheeks. He doesn't understand his visceral reaction to Adam's presence. Sure, he's been attracted to men before, but it's never been like this. He's finding it hard to negotiate that friendship balance in his head when it should be the most natural thing in the world. After all, he's only ever been friends with other men.

Adam breaks eye contact first, shifting his gaze to the window and the people passing by on the street. "You must be getting tired," he says.

Kris shrugs. He was tired already when he walked into the diner, but spending time with Adam is a lot more thrilling than sleep, even if he's got no clue what they're doing exactly.

"Come on," Adam says, pushing his cup away. "I'll walk you home."

Kris thinks about protesting, but he's pretty sure it would be pointless. He just swallows the last few drops of coffee from his own cup and follows Adam as he makes his way towards the door. One day maybe all of this will make sense, but he doesn't think that today will be that day.

____spacer____

  
Adam's friend, Cassidy Haley, is really quite good and by the end of his set Kris is pleasantly mellow thanks to the drinks Adam keeps buying him, leaning back in his seat to watch Adam interact with his friends. From where Kris sits it's pretty obvious that the awkwardness is really only in Adam's head. His friends greet him as if he's the long lost son he is, surrounding him on all sides like peacocks paying homage to their dark prince. If Kris was just a little less drunk he would probably worry a lot more about fitting in, but when Adam pulls him from the table to greet everyone, he isn't even nervous.

He shakes hands left and right, congratulating Cassidy on an awesome set and trying to commit everyone else's names to memory. He doesn't actually get nervous until he's singled out in the bathroom line by one of Adam's friends, Brad if he recalls correctly.

"So you're dating Adam, huh?" he asks, eyes fixed on Kris's face.

Kris flushes and shrugs, looking anywhere but Brad's too intense brown eyes. "I… uh… not really?"

"Not really?" Brad drags the words out giving Kris a narrowed eyed look. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Kris bites down on his lower lip, wishing he could remember just how Brad fits into the hierarchy of Adam's friends. Is he the ex-boyfriend turned friend, or is he someone else all together?

"I don't know," he finally says, looking up to meet Brad's stare. "I guess you'll have to ask Adam about that."

Brad's eyes seem to be drilling holes into Kris's head, stripping away all his layers of self protection, but whatever he sees in Kris's eyes seem to placate him and he reaches out to squeeze Kris's shoulder.

"Spunky," he says, a smile passing over his lips. "I like it."

Then he turns on his heel and sashays back into the club, leaving Kris feeling as if he's just run a marathon. He's not sure what just transpired, but he's getting pretty used to that feeling. It's what he's been feeling like ever since he met Adam.

At the end of the night Adam insists on not just driving Kris home, but following him to his door, despite all of Kris's protests.

"I'm not going to pass out in the hallway," Kris says sourly. "I'm not _that_ drunk."

Adam holds the door to Kris's apartment building open and motions for him to step inside. "What if you trip and crack your skull open, huh? Do you think I could live with that?"

Kris rolls his eyes, because Adam is being ridiculous, but he doesn't even try to protest when Adam wraps an arm around his shoulders guiding him up the stairs.

"I don't get you," he says instead, glancing up at Adam when they reach Kris's landing.

Adam grins. "What's there not to get?" he asks.

Kris snorts, because really there's not a single thing about Adam that makes sense. He knots his fingers into Adam's shirt and stares up at him. Adam looks back, a half smile curling his lips.

"You're drunk," he says.

"Not that drunk," Kris responds. He's half hard where his hips are pressed up against Adam's leg and he knows Adam can feel it.

Adam's smile disappears and he worries at his lower lip. Kris stares at the way it comes out from between Adam's teeth, slick with saliva. Adam's eyes seem impossibly dark in the crappy lighting of the hallway, only the tiniest hint of blue visible around his pupils. He slides his hands down to cup Kris's hips and Kris lets his eyes slip shut, waiting for the kiss that never comes.

Instead Adam pushes him away, attempting to make light of the situation by ruffling Kris's hair. "Let's get you inside," he says with forced lightness. "It's bed time for drunk little Arkansas boys."

The rejection stings and Kris shrugs away from Adam's touch, grabbing the keys out of his hand. "Night," he says curtly, getting the door open with surprisingly steady hands.

"Kris…" Adam starts but Kris doesn't really want to hear it.

"I'll talk to you tomorrow, okay?" He forces himself to look up at Adam's face. "Goodnight."

"Night," Adam says, and Kris doesn't even try to make sense of his expression before closing the door in his face.

____spacer____

  
Adam doesn't mention the awkward end to their not-date when he calls the day after and Kris doesn't bring it up. He's tired of second guessing Adam's motives and he tries his very best to settle firmly into the friend zone. It doesn't work, not even a little bit, because the more he gets to know Adam the more he wants him, but Adam made it clear that he doesn't want more than friendship from Kris and Kris does his best to deal.

They go to the movies, to shows, they hang out with Kris's friends and Adam's. They have dinner, coffee, lunch, sometimes even breakfast, and before Kris knows it, it's been three months and Adam is shoulder to shoulder with Cale in the race to be Kris's best friend. (Cale will always win out, they've known each other longer and Cale doesn't make Kris go shopping.)

Kris is happy to see Adam break out of his shell, letting go of the stupid notion that his friends expect him to be anyone but himself, but for the most part he's just miserably unhappy with the whole situation. He tries to explain it to Cale over too many beers and a deck of cards, but he's not sure anything he says actually makes sense.

"I just wanted to be Mr. Right," Kris says morosely, trying to remember just how many cards he's supposed to deal.

"Who says you aren't?" Cale retorts, picking his cards up from the table and looking at them.

Kris snorts. "Adam."

Cale looks up, giving Kris a quizzical look. "He actually said that?"

"Not in so many words, but it's kind of obvious, isn't it?"

Kris looks at his cards. They really suck and either there's too many of them, or he's seeing double, quite possibly both.

"It's just like Katy, Melinda, and Bee. All over again," he continues, putting his cards back down again.

Cale rolls his eyes. "You dated Katy for almost seven years, Melinda was still hung up on her ex-boyfriend and I didn't want to tell you at the time but Bee was really not the sharpest knife in the drawer."

"Is it something I do?" Kris asks, because he just doesn't get it.

Cale shakes his head and sighs. "I love you, man," he says. "But at some point you have to stop letting things happen to you as opposed to _making_ things happen to you."

Kris blinks. "What do you mean?"

"You've adopted this life philosophy of just going with the flow and that's great, but at some point you have to start fighting for the things you want or you'll end up just floating past all the things that could have been great."

"Like Adam," Kris says, staring intently at the table.

"Yeah," Cale agrees. "Like Adam."

Kris thinks back to the first time they met, and the way Adam seemed to react to him. He can still remember the way Adam shuddered under his hands, breath coming out quick and harsh. Maybe it's still there, buried under three months of awesome friendship.

"But…" he starts and then cuts himself off, absently spreading the cards out over the table. He doesn't want to ruin his friendship with Adam, but somehow he just knows that they could be so much more than that and that it would _work_. Now he just needs to convince Adam of that.

____spacer____

  
Of course, Adam kind of cuts that plan off at the knees by meeting someone.

"He's really great," Adam says, looking at Kris over the rim of his coffee cup. "Hot, funny, clever… Did I tell you he works at the hospital?"

"Yeah," Kris says, staring into the depths of his coffee. "You did."

He's tired, and his head aches and at this point he really just wants to go home and pull the covers up over his head. He's pretty sure the bags under his eyes droop down to his knees, while Adam looks like he fell out of a photo shoot, as usual.

"Jasper… Isn't that an awesome name?"

Adam doesn't even seem to notice Kris isn't really following the conversation, telling him all about Jasper for what must be the millionth time. Adam met him in the cafeteria, of all places, and one thing lead to another (in that way they apparently do in other people's life) and now they've been dating for two weeks. Kris doesn't really understand why Adam still makes him have coffee at too early in the morning, cutting off the straight line between off work and to bed. Maybe he's just a sadist.

"Hey," Adam says, poking at Kris's feet under the table. "Are you even listening?"

"Of course," Kris says, trying to look more interested. "I'm just really tired."

"Oh." Adam's face falls and he glances at the clock on the wall. "Come on, I'll walk you home."

It's a two block walk and Kris could very well manage on his own - he's still capable of putting one foot in front of the other.

"You haven't finished your coffee," Kris points out.

Adam rolls his eyes and empties the cup with a few large gulps. "There," he says. "Happy?"

Kris really isn't, but there's no point in arguing. Unless he stalls Adam for another half hour (and that would mean thirty more minutes of Jasper the Great) Adam will walk him home whether Kris wants him to or not.

The worst part, Kris thinks as Adam guides him out the door with a hand between his shoulder blades, is that Kris totally opened the door for Jasper to swoop in and claim the prize. Adam wasn't in a good place when Kris met him, but somehow he managed to help Adam find a balance between his old life and his new one. He didn't even mean to, but they just keep talking things over and one thing led to another.

It wasn't that Adam's friends stopped loving him just because they didn't understand his choices, and they welcomed him back with arms wide open once Adam stopped being awkward about the whole thing. Adam would have gotten there eventually, no one likes to be lonely, but Kris takes all the credit for being the push he needed. Except, he apparently also pushed Adam into Jasper's arms.

"You're kind of silent," Adam remarks, as they make their way towards Kris's apartment.

"Just thinking," Kris responds, staring down at the pavement. He really doesn't want to look at Adam right now, he's pretty sure that everything he's thinking about is written over his face.

"About what?" Adam loops an arm around Kris's shoulders, pulling Kris into his side. "You know you can talk to me, right?"

"Yeah," Kris mumbles, leaning into Adam more than he should. "I know."

Adam squeezes his shoulder and turns Kris towards the door to his apartment building, taking the keys out of Kris's hand when he fumbles them out of his pocket. Kris leans into Adam's side while he gets the door open and curls his fingers around Adam's belt. He wonders if it would have been better if he never met Adam, or if their first meeting would have led to sex and nothing more. It feels as if Adam's turned his entire life upside down and inside out, but it's really only in Kris's head.

Kris figured out he was bisexual when he was sixteen, but he never really had a reason to dwell on it before he and Katy broke up, and even after that it was mostly idle curiosity. Somehow he never thought he'd actually fall in love with another man, but then Adam came along and complicated everything.

"Why did you have to make everything so difficult?" Kris asks when Adam tugs him up the stairs. His head is spinning with sleep deprivation and his mouth just goes off unchecked.

"What do you mean?" Adam asks. They've reached Kris's landing and Adam turns to give Kris a concerned look. Kris doesn't answer, Adam's chest looks so wide and inviting that he face plants into it, linking his arms behind Adam's back.

Adam chuckles, wrapping one arm around Kris's shoulders while he unlocks the door with the other. "You're like an octopus when you're sleepy," he remarks.

"Mmm," Kris agrees, from where he's got his face tucked into the crook of Adam's neck. Adam always smells so good. He knows he should let go and back off. Adam's got Jasper now and Kris has never been _that_ guy, but his arms just won't cooperate, clutching tighter instead of easing up.

"Okay, baby," Adam says when it's getting obvious Kris isn't going to let up. "You gotta work with me here."

Kris makes a noncommittal sound against Adam's neck. He's half asleep already. Somehow Adam manages to maneuver them through the door and then further into the apartment. It's almost like slow dancing except there's no music and Kris keeps stumbling over his own feet. Then they're in the bedroom and Adam almost forcibly pushes Kris away to look at him, cupping a hand under his chin to make him look up.

"Are you okay?" he asks, pressing his wrist against Kris's forehead for a moment, before gently prodding at the underside of his jaw and then back towards his neck.

"'M not sick," Kris protests, trying to pull away. "Just tired."

Adam's only response is a thoughtful hmmm as he checks Kris's pulse. Kris rolls his eyes, but suffers through the checkup. It's not like he actually minds having Adam's hands on him.

"Okay," Adam says, sliding his hands down to rest on Kris's shoulders. "You're not allowed out of bed with less than eight solid hours of sleep. Doctor's orders."

Kris manages half a smile, looking up at Adam through his lashes. Adam smiles back, but he still looks worried.

"You're really, really important to me. You know that, right?" Adam says seriously.

Kris averts his eyes, mumbling an affirmative.

"I mean it," Adam says, cupping Kris's jaw to make him look up again.

Kris blinks a couple of times and manages a jerky nod. Adam really needs to stop being sweet and caring and thoughtful and amazing because Kris is already too far gone. Adam smiles again, but the frown won't disappear from between his brows.

"Let's get you into bed," he says.

It's a good thing Kris is so tired, or he would probably have embarrassed himself when Adam starts undressing him. Unceremoniously shoving Kris' shirt down over his arms and unbuttoning his jeans with certain fingers, until Kris is left in t-shirt and boxers.

"Cute," Adam remarks, pulling lightly at Kris's plaid boxers.

Kris wishes he'd known Adam would be undressing him when he got dressed last night. He would have worn some more exciting underwear for sure. _Jasper_ probably wouldn't be caught dead in plaid flannel boxers.

Adam pulls the covers away and pushes Kris towards the bed, more or less making him fall onto it. Kris rolls over on his back and looks up at Adam while Adam tucks the covers in around him.

"I wish I'd made you stay," he murmurs.

Adam frowns and smiles at the same time, looking as if he's not sure what Kris is talking about. "Now you're officially worrying me," he says.

"Don't lie," Kris answers sleepily. "I was officially worrying you fifteen minutes ago, now I'm freaking you out."

"Tell me about it," Adam mutters, bending forward to press a kiss against Kris's forehead. "Get some sleep, baby," he says softly. "I'll call you after work and if nothing else I'll see you Friday."

"What's Friday?" Kris asks but it comes out mostly unintelligible.

"Cassidy's house warming party."

Kris doesn't answer, almost asleep already with the ghost of Adam's lips resting against his forehead.

"Sweet dreams," Adam whispers and that's the last thing Kris hears before sleep claims him.

  
Cassidy's new apartment is in what used to be an old factory and fabulous doesn't even begin to describe it. Kris doesn't know how Cassidy makes his money (even Adam doesn't seem to know) but he must sure have a lot of it if he can afford a place like this. It's a little too much surface for Kris's taste, random mannequins standing around and furniture that doesn't really look habitable, but he can't deny it has a visual appeal.

Of course, he couldn't care less about the visual appeal of the apartment, because Adam brought Jasper and Kris hates him from the roots of his bleached tousled hair to the soles of his snakeskin boots. He's never really been jealous before, but every time Jasper leaned in to whisper something in Adam's ear while they were in the car Kris wanted to strangle him with the scarf he wears artfully tied around his neck.

It certainly doesn't help that Jasper seems to be the handsy type, constantly clutching and pulling at various parts of Adam's body, holding his hand, his arm, his shoulder, his waist, even at one point his leg, all the while throwing little looks in Kris's direction that Kris couldn't have read if he wanted to. Adam looks pretty but tired. He's been putting in a lot of extra hours at the free clinic where Kris first met him lately, and you can tell from the dark circles not even his concealer can hide.

"Ooh," Jasper says, tugging at Adam's elbow. "Is that Ryan over there? Let's go say hi."

Adam gives Kris an apologetic look as he lets himself be tugged away and Kris wonders why he agreed to come. He likes Adam's friends well enough, but he doesn't really know any of them and without Adam acting as a buffer he could as well start cozying up to the mannequins for all the attention he'll get.

"Soooo," an innocuous voice says close to his ear, nearly startling Kris out of his skin. Stupid Brad and his cat-like stealth skills. "How do you like the new arm candy?"

Brad is the only one of Adam's friends that Kris has really gotten the chance to connect to and despite Brad being Adam's first love and his affinity for giving Kris stupid nicknames, Kris really likes him.

"He's very pretty," Kris says blandly.

Brad snorts. "That scarf screams try-hard so loud I'm worried about the windows," he says dismissively.

Kris grins. He knew there was a reason he liked Brad. "So," he says, looking around. "Is there anything to drink around here?"

"Come on," Brad says, slinging an arm around Kris's shoulders. "I'll mix you a cocktail so good it'll make you orgasm on the spot."

Kris laughs. He's not sure about the orgasms but he knows for a fact that it'll get him drunk and drunk seems like a pretty good idea right now, especially since the happy couple looks to be heading back in their direction.

Brad tugs Kris with him into the kitchen where a scary amount of bottles have been put out on the immaculate black marble counter. Kris leans against the sink while he watches Brad mix a drink that looks to contain enough alcohol to be deadly and a little twist of lime. Brad's dressed for the night in bright red, shiny pants, black boots and a sheer black top that offers Kris a good view of his nipples. Kris looks decidedly lame in comparison, even if he's wearing his tightest jeans and white t-shirt that hugs his chest in a way that looks pretty nice (if he's allowed to say so himself). He even put some effort into his hair, trying to tousle it up in that way Adam likes.

It's pointless, he knows, he could never really compete with someone like Jasper, with his perpetually sleepy eyes, fuck me hair and skin tight clothes, at least not in Adam's eyes. In Adam's eyes Kris has been reduced to a piece of furniture, comfortable, familiar, welcoming, but not really all that exciting.

Kris is pretty happy when Brad cuts off his train of thought by pressing a drink into his hand and telling him to taste it. It's strong, like a punch to the gut, but a good kind of strong with just enough lime to mask the taste of alcohol.

"Good, huh?" Brad says, sipping from his own glass.

"Yeah," Kris says, taking another sip. "Strong."

Brad grins. "That was kind of the point."

Kris can feel the alcohol landing in his stomach like a little ball of artificial sunshine, adding flush to his cheeks and easiness to his limbs. He's not a big drinker, never was, but there's something to be said for getting shitfaced every once in a while.

"Come along," Brad says, grabbing a bottle from the counter and motioning towards the door. "I'll give you a tour."

The tour takes forever, mostly because Brad knows _everyone_ and has to stop to chat every five minutes. Kris doesn't mind, he's quite enjoying being Brad's arm candy, safely tucked in under Brad's arm with a drink in his hand and a flush to his cheeks.

The first time Adam dragged him along to a party with his friends Kris was stupidly nervous, feeling like everyone was going to judge him for his boring mostly straight life. Then he realized that these people didn't know him, they never met the Kris that was with the same girl for seven years, who went to church on Sundays and never even dared to seriously think about sex with another man.

The only version of Kris they've ever met was the one that Adam dragged along. The openly bisexual, hoping to be a musician, Kris that never really goes to church anymore and who thinks about having sex with other men pretty much daily. It's liberating in a way Kris didn't realize meeting new people could be and even if he'll never be more than friends with Adam, he'll always be grateful for the way Adam opened up the door for Kris to be a new version of himself. Before Adam, Kris was pretty much living his Conway life in LA wondering why he still felt like he was treading water.

Every now and then Kris sees Adam and Jasper through the crowd, it's hard to miss the electric green of Jasper's shirt when it's off set against Adam's black and silver, but he's had enough to drink now that his initial need to kill Jasper has mellowed slightly. It still stings to see them twined together, Jasper draped all over Adam like a cheap shawl (Brad's words), but with the distance also comes the realization that Adam doesn't really look as if he's enjoying the attention all that much.

"It's kind of funny, don't you think?" Brad says, following Kris's line of vision until he spots the happy couple. "Adam's one of the handsiest motherfuckers I've ever met, yet he doesn't seem all that happy about his boyfriend climbing all over him."

Kris flushes, tearing his gaze away. It must be the millionth time tonight that Brad catches Kris staring at Adam and he really should work on being slightly less obvious about his affections. When Kris turns his head to look at Brad he's smirking in a kind of unsettling way, dark eyes slanted.

"Come on," Brad says. "Let's find somewhere more private."

More private turns out to be the roof terrace. Cassidy wisely locked the door (probably to keep his drunk guests from falling over the ledge) but Brad produces a key from his pocket and motions for Kris to slip through. Brad locks the door behind them before leading the way up the winding stairs.

"Wow," Kris says, when a second set of doors leads them to the actual terrace. "This place is amazing."

He looks around, taking in the furniture and the potted plants that make the roof feel like a lush garden despite the dim of traffic and slight scent of smog lingering on the cool night air. Kris tilts his head back to look up at the sky, velvety black and sprinkled with barely visible stars, it makes him feel very small in the grand scale of things.

Brad leads him to a set of reclining chairs set along the ledge, obviously meant for sunbathing. "I love this place," he says, curling up on one of the chairs with the bottle he stole earlier resting between his legs. "Somehow it's even better at night." He looks up at the sky for a moment. "Makes you feel small, doesn't it?"

"Yeah," Kris says, sitting down on the edge of the chair next to Brad's. "It puts things into perspective."

Kris can still hear the faintest pulse of a bass beat to remind him of the party, but other than that it's silent on the roof in a way Kris didn't really think LA could be. The ever present hum of traffic seems far away, lost in the comforting dark of the night. Brad hands him the bottle and Kris glances at the label, tequila, before taking a sip. It burns going down and he crinkles his nose slightly at the taste that lingers on his tongue.

Brad adjusts the back of his chair so that it's almost horizontal and moves to the side, patting the space beside him. Kris takes another sip of the tequila before moving, stretching out beside Brad. He doesn't protest when Brad slips the bottle from his fingers, putting it down on the wooden floor boards, before rolling over on his side to look at Kris.

"In case you haven't noticed," he murmurs, voice silky smooth. "This is me seducing you."

Kris blinks a couple of times, pulse thundering in his ears, then he smiles reaching out to touch Brad's stubbled cheek. "I think I'm okay with that," he whispers.

Brad closes the distance between them, pressing his lips to Kris's. It last only for a moment before he pulls back to look at Kris again, eyes dark and lips parted.

"Make that definitely okay," Kris murmurs, sliding his hand down to rest on Brad's hip.

Brad smiles, eyes glittering in the dark, then he closes the distance between their lips again, licking his way into Kris's mouth. Kris doesn't know how long they stay like that, trading languid open-mouthed kisses in the dark. Brad's stubble burns against his skin and it's weird, wonderful and brand new at the same time. He feels as if he's floating, carefree and hazy, just the right kind of drunk to go with the flow without being in danger of drowning. He knows exactly what he's doing, he just doesn't care.

"Have you ever done this before?" Brad asks, when he sits up to slip his shirt off.

"No," Kris admits, reaching out to run his hands over Brad's chest before tugging him closer to kiss him again. "Is that okay?"

"Fuck yeah," Brad answers, voice hoarse.

Kris lifts his arms to let Brad pull his shirt off and starts working on Brad's pants, impatiently pushing at them when they just won't budge. Brad laughs, kicking his boots off and shimmying out of his pants so that he's sitting fully naked beside Kris. Kris stares, heart thundering. Brad's cock is hard and flushed, arching up towards his stomach, and without thinking Kris reaches out to touch it, curling his hand around the base.

Brad's choked moan is possibly the best sound Kris has ever heard and he looks up at Brad's face, licking his lips.

"Can I?" he asks, shifting down so that there'll be no confusion about his attention.

"Oh, honey," Brad murmurs, reaching out to run his hand through Kris's hair. "Be my guest."

Kris laughs and moves to kneel between Brad's legs, spending a moment contemplating the logistics.

"Cover your teeth and you'll be fine," Brad says, shifting his hips impatiently.

Kris glances up at him holding Brad's gaze as he bends forward to lick over the shiny head of Brad's cock. It tastes weird, not really good and not really bad, just odd, but the look in Brad's eyes is enough to have him coming back for more, lapping over the head until Brad moans, hips shivering under Kris's hands.

Kris spent a lot of time thinking about this, not specifically with Brad, just about sucking dick in general and it turns out fantasies really have nothing on real life. The feel of Brad's cock sliding against his tongue gets him high, and he doesn't mind the occasional thrust that makes him choke, blood whooshing in his ears. It takes a while to find the right angle, but when he does Brad's running commentary turns into hoarse moans and gasps and Kris gets so hard he thinks he might die.

When Brad comes down his throat it's the best kind of reward and he struggles to swallow everything Brad has to offer. He fails of course, some of it trickling out to join the mess of saliva and precome in Brad's pubes, but he doesn't stop sucking until Brad pulls him away with one last shivery moan, laughing breathlessly when Kris whines in protest.

"Jesus," Brad says, tugging on Kris's hair until he shifts up the chair to rest beside Brad again. "I think we can put that on the list of things you really like."

Kris licks his lips, chasing the last of Brad's taste from around his mouth. His lips feel weird, tingly and swollen and his jaw kind of aches, but he couldn't really care less. Brad moves forward to kiss him and Kris groans, letting Brad push him over on his back. His cock is so hard it's throbbing with it, straining against his jeans, and he moans in gratitude when Brad reaches down to pop his fly open.

Things get a bit hazy after that. He lifts his hips to allow Brad to slip his jeans off and then Brad's mouth is on his dick and he forgets how to breathe. One hand tangles in Brad's short hair while the other grabs the edge of the chair in a white knuckled grip, eyes staring unseeingly up on the stars because he'd come in a second flat if he as much as glanced at Brad crouching between his legs.

In his mind he replays the feel of Brad's dick sliding against the roof of his mouth, occasionally cutting off his air and he moans freely, hips twitching against Brad's firm hold. Then Brad worms his fingers in between Kris's ass cheeks, pressing against his hole, and Kris is just gone. Coming and coming and coming until he's limbless with it, head lolling limply back and forth.

Brad laughs when he pulls off, sitting back on his haunches and licking his lips. "Kristopher," he says. "If I'd known what kind of treat you'd be, we'd have done this weeks ago."

Kris chuckles weakly, reaching out to pull Brad down on top of him, kissing the smile from his lips. Eventually the chill of the night air forces them to get dressed again, but they don't stop kissing, only pausing for occasional sips from the bottle.

"I like kissing," Brad says much later, stretching luxuriously. "Don't get me wrong , blow jobs are nice too, but I can get that any day while I wouldn't spend hours kissing just anyone."

Kris smiles and bites back a yawn. "I'm honored, I guess," he says.

Brad trails a finger over the tender skin around Kris's swollen lips. "You're not going to be able to keep this one a secret," he says smugly. "Adam's gonna be _pissed_."

Kris snorts. "Like he'll care."

"Oh, honey," Brad murmurs. "You're not really that dense, are you?"

Kris shrugs, staring up at the stars. He kind of forgot about Adam there for a while, but now it all comes back, settling in the pit of his stomach like a particularly vicious flu.

"I love Adam like a brother," Brad says, settling into the crook of Kris's arm. "But sometimes he's really kind of stupid."

Kris chuckles, absently threading his fingers through Brad's hair. Somewhere below them the party is still going on, highlighted by a heavy bass beat, but right now Kris couldn't care less. He doesn't want to think about Adam, or about Jasper. He wants to stay in this little bubble with Brad where none of that matters, except he thinks that maybe it does to Brad.

"Just so you know," Brad says, putting a hand on Kris's chest. "When you get your happily ever after I want a glowing thank you speech at the wedding reception."

Kris blinks a couple of times, turning his head to look at Brad. "Do you ever do something without hidden motives?" he asks.

Brad purses his lips. "It happens." He looks smug. "This is not one of those times though."

Kris laughs. "Why do you even care?" he asks.

Brad shrugs. "I see the way he looks at you when he thinks no one will notice and I definitely see the way you look at him all the damn time. I guess the matchmaker in me just can't let something like that slip."

Kris has heard rumors about Brad's matchmaking skills. It seems half the couples that know Brad owe their happiness to him. It's a talent, he supposes, like being able to sing, or paint. Brad has an uncanny eye for people that would make good couples, but he can't help but to wonder who's looking out for Brad.

"Don't worry about that, honey," Brad says, snuggling closer and hooking a leg over Kris's hips. "I'm pretty damn good at looking after myself."

Kris didn't even realize he said it out loud, but he's the dizzy kind of sleepy tired where the lines between thoughts and speech starts to blur. It happens to him quite a lot, mouth going off on autopilot while the mind struggles to catch up.

"Thank you," he says, running a hand down Brad's back. "For just being you."

Brad chuckles. "It's not like I know how to be anyone else," he drawls. "Besides, it'll kill Adam to know I got here first."

Kris laughs and for moment it's easy to imagine everything will actually be okay.

____spacer____

  
Kris catches a glimpse of himself in a mirror when they eventually rejoin the party (that has slowed down considerably in their absence) and does a double take. His hair is in wild disarray, eyes sleepy and sated, and his mouth is red and conspicuously swollen. There's no way anyone's going to look at him and not know what he's been doing for the last few hours.

"Told you so," Brad says smugly, appearing behind his shoulder and Kris promptly flushes, tearing his gaze away from their reflection.

"I'm gonna head out," Kris says, looking down on his feet.

"Without saying goodbye to Adam?" Brad sighs dramatically. "All that hard work for nothing."

Kris laughs, giving Brad an elbow to the ribs. "They probably already left."

"Without you?" Brad snorts. "It's like you don't know Adam at all."

It's true that Adam has never left him behind (even when Kris kind of wanted to be left behind) but that was before he met Jasper. Kris is pretty sure Jasper isn't the slightest bit interested in waiting around for Kris.

"Oh well," Brad says, squeezing Kris's shoulder briefly. "Thanks for tonight. It was a pleasure."

Kris smiles and turns around to return the compliment, but Brad is already disappearing down the stairs. Apparently he doesn't do emotional goodbyes.

The upper level is almost deserted, except for a couple making out on one of the couches, but the music is still blasting from downstairs and Kris can hear the din of people laughing and talking. He avoids looking at himself in the mirror again, the skin around his mouth is already burning, he doesn't need his cheeks to follow suit and heads towards the stairs.

No one pays him attention when he joins the main party again, and he keeps his gaze on the floor, heading for the front door. He doesn't really want to run into Adam, because he can't decide what would be worse, Adam asking for an explanation, or Adam not even noticing. He thinks he sees a brief flash of electric green heading towards the kitchen and relaxes slightly. If Jasper's going to the kitchen, he's probably got Adam in tow. He pushes an unkind vision of Jasper dragging Adam around on a leash out of his head and sidesteps a group of people that have gathered around one of the mannequins, the doorway to the entrance only a few feet away.

"Kris, wait up."

Adam, of course. Obviously it's a flexi leash, or Adam's dragging Jasper behind him like an unruly dog running away from its master. Kris doesn't turn around to see which it is, he's got his eye on the prize and selective hearing is a blessing.

"Hey."

Adam's hand lands on Kris's shoulder just as he steps through to the lobby, making him stop dead in his tracks.

"Hey," Kris echoes, keeping his face turned away.

"Where have you been?" Adam asks. "I've been looking all over for you."

"Around," Kris says vaguely, ignoring the fact that Adam is now right in front of him by focusing very hard on Adam's shoes.

"Hey," Adam says again, hands landing warm and sure on Kris's shoulders. "Did something happen?"

He sounds like he's actually worried and Kris isn't that much of an asshole so he reluctantly looks up, meeting Adam's concerned gaze.

"I'm fine," he says, trying to will Adam to move out of his way. In retrospect fooling around with Adam's ex boyfriend might not have been the best idea he ever had. He doesn't regret it, but he kind of regrets getting caught out.

Adam's eyes narrow as they drop down to his lips and his hands tighten on Kris's shoulders, fingers digging into his flesh hard enough to hurt.

"What did you do?" he hisses, voice low and laced with anger. "What the _fuck_ did you do?"

Kris doesn't even have time to react before Adam has him slammed up against the wall, eyes burning with anger. It's probably a very sad testament to how far gone he is that the thrill running down his spine has nothing to do with fear.

"Who was it?" Adam asks, voice tight.

"None of your business," Kris answers, finding his voice at last. Adam rejected him, he has no right to try and run Kris's life now.

"Did he hurt you? I swear to God if he as much as…" Adam trails off, pressing harder against Kris's shoulders.

"No one hurt me," Kris says. "But you are right now."

Adam doesn't even seem to register the comment. "What the fuck were you thinking, Kris? What the actual fuck?"

Kris raises his hands to push against Adam's chest, trying to shove him away. He's acutely aware that their little exchange hasn't gone unnoticed. There's a crowd forming in the doorway, and it's probably just a matter of time before Jasper shows up.

"It's none of your fucking business," Kris hisses, struggling against Adam's hold. "You kind of lost the right to have a say so about my love life when you made us into friends."

"Well, I didn't know you'd turn into a slut," Adam hisses back, voice dripping with venom.

Kris does the only sane thing, he knees Adam in the thigh. He's tempted to aim higher up in the middle, but he's not quite that angry. Yet.

The shock of impact makes Adam loosen his grip and Kris slips out of his hold, diving past Adam and heading for the door. His blood is singing in his ears, heart beating too fast, and if Adam catches up with him again he's pretty sure he's going to punch him in the face for being a sanctimonious bastard.

Adam's the one that decided they should be friends. Adam's the one that got himself a boyfriend. Adam's got no fucking right to call Kris a slut because Kris knows that's like the pot calling the kettle black only in this particular case Adam's both the pot and the kettle and Kris is an innocent fucking bystander who's had sex with five people in his entire life, Brad included.

Kris hears a commotion start up behind him as he gets his hands on the front door, Brad's voice joining the chorus just before Jasper's high pitched _what the fuck is going on?_ He doesn't stop to hear Adam's explanation, or whatever Brad has to say on the subject, yanking the door open and slipping out into the night before anyone can call him back.

The calls start before Kris is even home, Adam's number flashing on his screen over and over until he simply turns the phone off. He doesn't think he's in the right frame of mind to talk to Adam right now. It would just end in an argument and the last thing he wants is to lose Adam as a friend just because he's pissed off right now. He's learned to deal with having Adam without _having_ him. He doesn't want to deal with there being no Adam at all.

____spacer____

  
Kris wakes up in a pissy mood. He's pissed at himself for wanting, pissed at Adam because he doesn't and pissed at Jasper for existing. It's not a good way to wake up and he shuffles into the kitchen to make coffee with a scowl on his face. He's tired and headachy and he feels as if he can't breathe right. Things have never been weird with Adam before, but now they are and he doesn't know how to deal.

The doorbell chimes at the same time as the coffeemaker starts chugging and he stares at it, torn between opening the door and waiting for his coffee. Whoever is outside doesn't let up though and he abandons the coffee in favor of opening the door because the sound of the doorbell is not doing his headache any favors.

Kris isn't terribly surprised when he opens the door to find Adam standing outside, but the amount of flowers Adam's clutching to his chest kind of throws him for a loop. It's a wonder that Adam even managed to ring the doorbell.

"Hi," Adam says, lips stretching into a smile that looks entirely fake. "I… uh… I brought you some flowers."

Kris just stares. He can count to at least four different kinds among the flower bouquets Adam's holding. It seems a bit excessive, even for an apology.

"Did you knock over a flower shop?" he asks, stepping aside to let Adam in.

"Uh…" Adam starts, cheeks coloring slightly. "I… uhm… couldn't make up my mind."

"So you took all of them?" It's not really a question and Kris doesn't wait for Adam's answer, brushing past him to head for the kitchen.

"Look," Adam says, following him. "I'm really sorry about the way I behaved last night."

Kris grunts in response. He just wants to drink his coffee and think things through. He doesn't want to have to deal with Adam and Jasper and the shitty reality of his situation. Last night was weird, wonderful and liberating at the same time and he's pissed at Adam for taking that away from him. Instead of thinking about his first gay experience and what that means for him, Kris has been thinking about Adam's reaction to it and maybe that isn't exactly Adam's fault but Kris is going to blame him anyway because he's tired of always blaming himself.

"I'm sorry I called you a slut," Adam says, stopping just inside the kitchen door. "I had no right to say that."

"Damn right," Kris mutters, grabbing his cup from the dish drainer and pouring himself a cup of coffee. He doesn't offer Adam a cup, turning around to lean against the counter with his cup clutched between his hands.

Adam must be heading to work, makeup toned down and his clothes casual. Kris vaguely recalls Adam saying something about not drinking last night because he was putting in a few hours at the free clinic this afternoon. Sometimes Kris thinks he has an entire section of his brain devoted to casual facts about Adam. He forgets when he's supposed to be at work himself if he doesn't write it down, but he knows Adam's schedule by heart.

Adam's still clutching the flowers to his chest, a rainbow of colors against the somber black of his shirt. Somehow they don't make it better at all. After all, Kris isn't pissed at Adam for what he did. He's pissed because he didn't mean it.

"I think I need some space," Kris says, looking down into his coffee cup instead of watching the way Adam flinches. "It isn't about last night… it's just…" He makes a vague hand gesture. "Everything."

Adam doesn't say anything at first and when Kris looks up, he's staring down at the flowers. "I don't want you lose you," he finally says. "I know I behaved like an asshole, but I didn't mean it, I swear."

"I know," Kris says mirthlessly.

Adam looks up, licking his lips. "Does this mean I never get to see you again?"

Kris shakes his head. "I'll call you, I promise. I just need some time to sort myself out."

"I don't get it," Adam says.

"Yeah," Kris says, looking away. "That makes two of us."

"Kris…" Adam starts, but Kris cuts him off, shaking his head.

"Don't. You have a boyfriend now, maybe you should spend some time with him instead of hanging with me all the time."

"Is this about Jasper? Because…"

"It's not about Jasper. It's about you." Kris looks up again. "I really need a break from you."

Adam looks like Kris punched him in the face, mouth falling open with shock. Then he visibly shakes himself, carefully putting the flowers down on the counter before stepping away.

"I'll get out of your hair then," he says, giving Kris one last look before turning on his heel and heading for the door.

Kris watches the ramrod stiffness of Adam's back and almost calls him back, but when the door falls closed behind him, Kris mostly feels relived. He wasn't lying when he said he needed a break from Adam.

____spacer____

  
On Sunday night Kris makes up his mind. He spent the entire weekend turning things over in his head, until he had to pull on his running shoes and run three laps around the block just to stop his head from churning. His plan isn't really much of a plan, but at least it's _something_ to focus on.

He sends off a text to Adam around three am before crashing face first into the pillow and letting sleep wipe all thoughts from his mind.

 _Playing at the Blue Moon Bar tonight @ 8pm. If you want to start over be there!_

____spacer____

  
About fifteen minutes before their set Kris realizes several flaws to his not-plan. One, Adam has a boyfriend. Two, he doesn't know if Adam's working tonight. Three, unless Adam picks a table just by the stage Kris won't even know he's there. Four, Kris is an idiot and should have made his intentions clearer. Five, Cale might kill him. Six, the audience might storm the stage. Seven, he's going to die.

Cale takes one look at his face when he walks into the tiny storage room that serves as an artist dressing room and sighs.

"What now?" he asks, taking Kris's guitar out of his hand and guiding him to sit on the shabby couch. "Do you need a drink?"

Kris thinks it over and then nods. A drink sounds good right about now (as does ten drinks, but he doesn't want to fall off the stage). Cale opens the door and yells an order to Billy, who shows up a couple of minutes later with whiskey in a tumbler, two beers and a frown between his brows. He takes one look at Kris's face and turns to Cale.

"Did he get his girlfriend pregnant?" he asks, in what is probably supposed to be a whisper.

Cale glances at Kris. "I better hope not," he mutters.

"As long as you're good to play in ten minutes…" Billy takes another look at Kris and his frown deepens.

"We'll be fine," Kris manages around the nausea clogging up his throat.

"If you say so." Billy smiles one of his rare smiles and backs out the door, leaving Kris and Cale alone.

Cale hands Kris the whiskey and cracks one of the beers open, sitting down on the only unoccupied chair.

"Wanna tell me about it?" he asks.

Kris shrugs, emptying the tumbler in one huge gulp. The whiskey burns the roof of his mouth and he grimaces as it goes down, landing in his stomach like a little ball of heat. Cale silently hands him the other beer and Kris cracks it open, washing the taste of the whiskey from his mouth with a couple of careful sips.

"I asked Adam to come tonight," Kris says, letting his eyes scan the stained wall instead of Cale's face.

"So?"

Kris didn't talk to Cale over the weekend. He wanted to, but he figured this was something he should work through alone.

"We… uhm… we kind of had a falling out on Friday… Saturday…" Kris worries at his lower lip. "I dunno."

"Oh… That sucks." Kris looks up and Cale smiles at him. "But you asked him to come today?"

"Yeah… I… I thought that maybe we'd do Falling Slowly?"

Cale breaks into a grin. "No more lies, huh?"

"Yeah," Kris agrees. "No more lies."

____spacer____

  
Cale's obvious approval (and possibly the whiskey) helps to soothe Kris's frazzled nerves and while he's still nervous as they take the stage he no longer feels as if he's going to throw up any second. He lets his eyes scan the crowd while he adjusts his guitar strap and climbs onto the bar stool set out for him, but he doesn't see Adam anywhere. He's not sure if that's better or worse, so he decides to just focus on the music.

They play their usual set, six songs in total and by now it's so familiar to Kris that he could do it in his sleep. It's comforting to be so familiar with the set because that gives them the opportunity to change it up a little, playing off each other in a way that they'd never have done when they were first starting out.

It's a good night, the place is packed for a Monday and there's a lot of positive energy, clapping and catcalls raining over them between songs. When the last song comes to an end the audience starts shouting for an encore and Kris exchange a look with Cale. This is it.

"So…" Kris says into the mike, his eyes sliding over the crowd again, but Adam's tall frame and spiky hair is nowhere to be seen. "I thought we'd sing a new song for you tonight. It's from the movie Once, if you've seen it."

A few cheers come from the audience and Kris smiles, nodding in the direction of the noise.

"I… uhm…" He trails off, a hectic flush rising in his cheeks and it takes a nudge from Cale to go on. Kris is not usually the kind of person to go for grand romantic gestures of any kind, and while this gesture is neither grand nor romantic, he kind of feels like he's stripping himself bare for the entire crowd to see.

He takes a deep breath and tries again. "I really hope there's someone special in the audience tonight… someone that means a whole lot to me… and I guess I just want to say… Adam, if you're here tonight, I want a different ending to our story." He hesitates, swallowing hard. "I mean, happily ever after would be nice."

Cale chuckles beside him as he starts playing the intro to _Falling Slowly_ and Kris falls into the melody trying to tune out the low murmur going through the crowd. He doesn't really want to know if they're plotting his demise or praising his courage.

Kris doesn't look up once while he sings, but he pours his entire heart into the performance, singing like he never has before. When the song winds to an end he's sweaty and flushed all over, heart pounding hard against his ribcage.

There is a moment of silence when the last note rings out, then people start clapping and when Kris looks up they are getting up from their seats, cheers and catcalls rising to a deafening level. Kris blinks a couple of times, a smile slowly stretching his lips.

There are familiar faces everywhere he looks, regulars and friends. Andrew, Ryland and Chris are sitting at one of the center tables and when he looks to his right Cassidy and Brad are both giving him a standing ovation from their spot by the wall. Even Emma, the receptionist from the free clinic, is there, raising her tall glass in a cheer when Kris looks her way.

Kris licks his lips in bewilderment, glancing at Cale who looks way too pleased for his own good. Then he looks out at the audience again, because Adam's there, making his way towards the stage. He looks unnaturally good in grey jeans, a black t-shirt and a black cardigan with the sleeves pushed up, but then he always does. Kris just stares, pulse racing for the high hundreds, while his fingers tremble against the guitar strings.

"I'm just gonna take that," Cale says, slipping Kris's guitar strap over his head and lifting the guitar away.

Kris feels naked without the guitar on his lap and he slips off the barstool, dizzy and disoriented. Adam makes his way up to the stage and stops there, holding out a single red rose. Kris shuffles forward, mindful of the cables working across the stage, and gently takes it out of Adam's hand.

Adam smiles, his beautiful eyes crinkling at the corners and Kris feels as if he can't really breathe.

"Nice set," Adam says.

Kris blinks, twirling the rose between his fingers, as he tries to find any clue as to what Adam _really_ thinks on his face. Adam reaches out and loops his fingers around Kris's wrist, gently pulling him to the edge of the stage. The stage is barely a foot high and with Kris standing on the edge of it they're almost of height with Kris looking down on Adam for once.

Adam opens his mouth as if to say something but then he shakes his head, eyes suspiciously glittery and simply pulls Kris off the stage and into his arms. Kris clings, burying his face into Adam's neck and holding on for dear life, vaguely aware of the renewed cheering raising in volume around them.

Kris pulls back minutely to look up at Adam. "So does this mean… uhm… that you want…" Kris trails off, not sure how he should phrase his question.

"Yeah," Adam answers, blue eyes heartbreakingly serious. "It does."

Kris frowns. "But you don't know what I was going to ask."

Adam throws his head back with a laugh and Kris would be affronted, but then Adam bends forward and presses his still laughing mouth against Kris's, cutting off Kris's ability to think rationally. Maybe it's not much of a kiss, with Adam laughing into Kris's mouth and Kris too stunned to really do anything, but it's still the best kiss ever.

They break apart to more catcalls and cheers, and Kris flushes to the very tips of his ears. Adam just grins and pulls Kris into his side.

"Let's party," he shouts and that might have gotten the loudest cheers of the evening yet.

Kris has a million and one questions churning around in his head, but the way the party closes up around them makes it near impossible to voice them over the sound of everyone trying to congratulate them at once.

____spacer____

  
An hour later Kris has lost track of Adam in the crowd and he takes his beat up rose and half full drink with him to the very booth where all of this started once, hiding from the party in its shadowed depths while giddy happiness and confusion war for the upper hand in his chest. He looks up when Adam slides into the booth with a hectic flush to his cheeks and a drink clutched in his hand.

"There you are." Adam grins. "I thought you ran away."

Kris smiles, tangling his feet with Adam's under the table. "Just thinking," he says.

Adam's eyes turn serious and he reaches over the table to grab Kris's hand. "Want to talk about it?" he asks.

Kris shrugs. He's not sure how to voice his jumbled thoughts without coming off as an insecure mess. Brad let it slip (deliberately of course) that Adam broke up with Jasper after Cassidy's party, but Jasper was really only a symptom of the bigger issue, namely Adam's refusal to date Kris.

"It's just…" Kris worries at his lower lip. "What made you change your mind?"

Adam sighs, taking a sip from his drink with his free hand. "I thought I had it all figured out," he says, looking at a spot just above Kris's head. "I'd keep you as my friend forever and I'd never be able to fuck it up, because… look at you. Everything about you is perfect for me, I couldn't have thought of a better boyfriend if I dreamed you up myself, and I just…"

Adam trails off, squeezing Kris's fingers. "I'm terrified, okay?" He finally meets Kris's gaze. "My job's ruined every relationship I've tried to have in the last few years, you know that, and I just couldn't… can't have that happening with you."

Kris's chest feels too tight and he sucks in a sharp breath pulling his hand back. "But… You said…"

"Oh… _Oh._ "

Adam slides under the table and comes up on Kris's side, wrapping his arm around Kris's shoulder and pressing a kiss to his temple. "I'm not changing my mind," he says fiercely. "Because apparently I really can't deal with you dating other people either."

Kris takes a deep breath and gives Adam a sideways glare. "You seriously mean you put me through all this because you were afraid your _job_ might come between us."

Adam flushes. "It made sense in my head, okay?"

Kris doesn't know if he should laugh or cry, quite possibly both because Adam is such an _idiot_.

"You suck," he says, shaking his head, but he mostly feels like laughing.

"And you won't even have to ask nicely," Adam responds, pulling Kris closer to his side.

Kris doesn't even try to hold back his laugh, throwing his head back and laughing until he feels light headed with it. Adam might be an idiot, but he's Kris's idiot and he's not letting go of him now.

____spacer____

  
All in all it's probably the weirdest evening of Kris's life. His friends partying with Adam's friends, regulars, and a few dazed strangers that just walked in from the street. They turn the tiny space before the stage into a makeshift dance floor and Billy watches them from behind the bar with fond amusement.

He pulls Kris to the side at one point, giving him an awkward fatherly speech. Kris flushes and grins at the same time, he likes Billy even if he really doesn't know him all that well, and the content of the speech makes him feel warm all over.

"I have a son," Billy says, making a vague gesture. "That's… like you. He lives in San Francisco with his partner. I didn't handle it very well when he… uhm… came out."

"I didn't know that," Kris says, giving Billy an earnest smile.

"He ran away." Billy looks pained, scrubbing a hand over the back of his neck. "And it took me too long to start looking for him."

"I'm sorry."

"Not your fault." Billy smiles. "What I really wanted to say was thank you. For playing here, for this night, for having the courage to do what you did. As a father with a gay son that means a lot."

Kris blinks, flushing slightly. "I… uhm… you're welcome, I guess. We love playing here."

Billy looks thoughtful. "I've been meaning to ask you guys if you'd want a regular gig? Say… every Friday?"

"I… that would be amazing." Kris's heart flutters happily and he grins so widely he's afraid his lips will crack.

"That's settled then," Billy says, sticking his hand out. "Come by later in the week and we'll work out the details."

"Thank you," Kris says again and grips Billy's hand in a firm shake. He can't wait to tell Cale.

Of course telling Cale will have to wait because as soon as he rejoins the crowd around the bar Adam swoops down on him, wrapping his arms around Kris's shoulders.

"I missed you," he whines, nuzzling his face against Kris's cheek.

Kris laughs, pleasantly flushed, and turns his face into Adam's. "Billy wanted to offer me a regular gig."

"Really?" Adam grins. "That's awesome."

Kris turns around in Adam's embrace to wrap his arms around Adam's neck. "You're awesome," he says, turning his face up for the kiss he knows is coming.

"No, you're awesome," Adam murmurs, pressing their lips together.

Kris lets his eyes slip shut while they kiss, winding his fingers into the short hair at the back of Adam's neck. He could seriously kiss Adam forever, letting himself get lost in the slick slide of their tongues and the soft press of Adam's lips against his, until the entire world falls away.

"Ewwww. Get a room," Brad shouts and when Kris looks up he's grinning at them from the bar.

"Now that's an idea," Kris says, smiling up at Adam.

Adam's busy glowering at Brad and it takes Kris a few moments to get his attention back. "Hey," he says. "Adam?"

Adam shakes himself slightly and returns his attention to Kris, eyes dropping to Kris's lips. "Let's go home," he says, voice rough.

"Yeah," Kris agrees. "Let's."

____spacer____

  
Kris thought he'd be nervous, but he isn't. He fumbles and flails and he makes huge panicked eyes at Adam's dick, but Adam just laughs, taking his time to make Kris feel comfortable. It helps that Adam wants it so much he's trembling with it, cock leaking at the tip and fingers shaking when they slide down between Kris's cheeks.

It's weird at first, alien and too much. He's tried it himself, of course, but Adam's long careful fingers are another thing all together.

"Are you okay?" Adam asks, with his lips against Kris's cheek, gently twisting his fingers in and out.

"Yeah," Kris gasps, closing his eyes with a moan when Adam brushes that weird spot inside him. "Good… it's good."

His cock is arched against his stomach, leaking slowly from the tip and he rocks into every thrust of Adam's fingers. It's too hot, too slow and not nearly enough. He makes noises he didn't know he could produce, arching up into Adam's touch over and over until Adam's poised above him, eyes dark and serious.

"I love you," Adam whispers as he slowly pushes forward, taking Kris's mind off the sudden painful stretch.

"I…" he gasps, spreading his legs wider. "Me too."

It hurts at first, a startling burn that races across his sensitized nerve endings. Adam feels huge within him and Kris can feel his pulse throbbing everywhere while he struggles to breathe.

"Easy," Adam murmurs, peppering kisses all over Kris's face. "Relax."

"Easy for you to say," Kris gasps, digging his fingers into Adam's back.

Adam chuckles. "You have no idea do you?" he asks, voice strained. "How much I want this… you."

Kris gasps again, squirming a little and, _oh_ , that's nice.

"Fuck," Adam curses, his hips shifting slightly. "Can I…"

"Yeah," Kris moans. "Oh, yeah."

Adam's thrusts start out slow and careful, pulling moans and undignified whimpers from Kris's lips. He's never known sex to be this intense, this intimate, and he doesn't really know how to handle himself. Adam's thrusts gradually pick up speed and soon Kris is a shivering, writhing mess, urging Adam on with fingers and heels.

"Fuck," Adam moans. "Fuck, baby, I'm gonna…"

Kris arches up with one last drawn out moan, coming so hard it literary takes his breath away. Adam keeps pounding into him, drawing the pleasure out until Kris shudders with the intensity of it, before he thrusts in hard one last time, groaning his release into Kris's sweaty neck.

____spacer____

  
"Was that okay?" Adam asks, when Kris starts to come down from his high.

Kris gives him an incredulous look and chuckles weakly. "That was amazing," he says.

"I didn't hurt you, did I?"

To Kris's complete mortification Adam pushes his legs apart and takes a good look, gently prodding around Kris's sore opening with careful fingertips.

"Adam," he whines, flushing bright red.

"What?" Adam asks, looking up from his new spot between Kris's legs. His hair is standing on end and his lips are puffy and red from kissing.

"Can you please just _not_ be a doctor in the bedroom?"

"Oh…" Adam looks down between Kris's legs again and then up to his face. "You think this is a doctor thing?"

"I think it's an awkward thing," Kris says, trying to hide his face in the pillows.

Adam chuckles, slowly dragging a fingertip along the rim of Kris's opening. He uses his other hand to push against Kris's thigh and Kris obligingly spreads his legs ever wider, letting Adam look closer at whatever it is he's looking at. Then Adam bends closer, way closer, so close that his breath fans over Kris's sensitized skin and Kris's eyes fly open.

"Adam," he says weakly. "What are you… Oh. Oooh."

Adam's tongue slides over his opening, slick and raspy, sending Kris's hips skittering off the bed.

"Like that?" Adam asks, voice soft and amused.

"I… uh… yeah," Kris admits, breath coming out short and pained.

Adam chuckles and presses a kiss against the inside of Kris's thigh and then another one to his hip, slowly moving up Kris's body until they're face to face.

"One day," Adam murmurs, ghosting his lips over Kris's. "I'm going to make you come just from my tongue."

Kris shivers. "I don't think that would take very long."

Adam gives him a soft kiss. "Yeah," he says. "Me neither."

They curl up to sleep with Adam wrapped all around Kris, their fingers linked and pressed over Kris's heart.

"You're not allowed to change your mind about this," Kris murmurs, eyes half closed. Adam's chest is broad and warm against his back and Kris can't imagine ever giving this up.

"Not going to," Adam promises, tightening his hold of Kris's fingers.

Kris relaxes into Adam's embrace, his eyes slipping shut. Then his eyes fly open with a stray thought.

"I have to tell my mom."

Adam laughs and shifts so that Kris rolls over on his back with Adam poised above him. "Now?" he asks. "Because it's… shit… four am."

"Maybe not now," Kris relents, cuddling up close again. "But I want to."

"Best boyfriend ever," Adam says happily, wrapping Kris up in his arms again and dropping a kiss to Kris's head.

Best boyfriend, Kris likes the sound of that. Maybe he finally found a way to be both best friend and boyfriend.

"I'm your best boyfriend," he says, trying the ring of it out loud.

"Damn straight," Adam responds, pulling the covers up over Kris's back. "Best friend and boyfriend all wrapped up in an adorable package."

Kris loves the way Adam just gets it. If that doesn't mean they're meant to be nothing does.

"Best boyfriend," Adam murmurs against Kris's ear. "For when a regular boyfriend just isn't enough."

Kris smiles, letting his eyes slip shut. "You're my best boyfriend too."

Adam's soft laugh follows Kris into his dreams and he doesn't doubt for a second that he found his happily ever after.

 **The End**

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 **Notes:**

I started writing this as a bit of fun for the [](http://community.livejournal.com/aianonlovefest/profile)[**aianonlovefest**](http://community.livejournal.com/aianonlovefest/) but then Adam developed a conscience and the PWP developed a plot. Go figure!

  
 **Credits (in no particular order):**

[](http://dansetheblues.livejournal.com/profile)[ **dansetheblues**](http://dansetheblues.livejournal.com/) – For being the best alpha reader anyone could ever ask for. This fic would not be the same without you (it probably wouldn't even _be_ a fic without you) and I'm so very very happy to have met you. ILU, BB!  <333

[](http://nemesina77.livejournal.com/profile)[ **nemesina77**](http://nemesina77.livejournal.com/) – For beta-reading and for always being there. <333

[](http://sbb23.livejournal.com/profile)[ **sbb23**](http://sbb23.livejournal.com/) – for beta-reading and for always being there. You're a rock, BB. I don't know what I would do if I didn't have you to lean on. <333

[](http://users.livejournal.com/acquiescence_/profile)[ **acquiescence_**](http://users.livejournal.com/acquiescence_/) \- For the amazing art. Thank you so much! You should all visit the [Art Post](http://users.livejournal.com/acquiescence_/123009.html) and heap love on her. <333

 **Kradio** – for the friendship, the love, and the constant encouragement. ILU, BBS! Let's meet up in an abandoned post and have some ~good times~… LOL wait, we already do that.  <333

 **Beep** – for being ~good times on the internets and for putting up with my random fic whining in the DDOTs. I don't care what people say, you are beeping good times.  <333

 **Flist and twitter peeps** – for always being there when I need you.  <333

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Thanks for reading. ♥ 


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